Death is everywhere, every day, every single second in your whole life. Maybe not everyday for you, as a person, but for others around the world. There probably doesn’t go a day, without the most people see a commercial for food programs, to help the dying children in for example Africa. Every 6th second, a child dies of hunger. Just another farewell, another funereal, another cemetery plot, or a mass grave. I wish I could just set all the money in the world on zero, and share all the money between every land on earth. Start all over. But would it help? Wouldn’t the lands where there’s war, just start a war again? It’s in their blood, it’s there culture. Death everywhere, nothing you can do about it. But don’t make death ruin your life, don’t be sad forever. “the last thing the death wants, is for you to give up” these words have often been said. But we don’t know what those who are gone wants, so we just have to guess. Normally we just say, that the dead people wants us to be happy, perhaps because we set them on a pedestal. The dead ones can’t make any mistakes on earth anymore, not among us anyway, and as long they can’t make mistakes, we can’t and will not judge them. We show respect for the dead, even if they don’t deserve it, and the death, maybe because we’re afraid, and we know that death can take us anytime.
I can walk over the road, and get hit by a car, if that happens I probably will be gone unless I’m really lucky. Right there death took me. We all see death as something evil. Something that doesn’t show mercy, something that we can’t fight. Or do we? Or do they? Maybe someone sees death, as something that can set you free, free from the pain you feel, it can make you numb. Someone sees death as a way out. And if I shall be 100% honest, I can’t see anything wrong about that. But then it comes to choice. Do you want the easy way, the way you can feel numb, the way where you can discover new things? Or do you want the love on earth, the hard way, the way that makes you strong, the way you learn to numb the pain, just a little? For me it’s about pride.
I can’t and I won’t feel like a lion that is lying on the ground! When I’m going to die, I will make sure, I’m doing it standing. Maybe not on my feet, I just want to be standing. I want to die strong! Not weak. Maybe I’ll be physical weak, but I need to be strong mentally. Yes I can go out in a forest, take 80 pain killers, lie down, sleep, and never wake up. But then I gave up. Just threw it away, my whole life. No way.
Do you know what’s worth fighting for, if it’s not worth dying for? Yeah you probably heard the before. If you’re a teenager, and you like, hmm maybe Green Day, and you have listened to the song 21 Guns. Then you know that sentence. I love it, those words say so much, about the whole life. And I think it’s a good advice. People are sky diving, or doing other dangerous sports, because of the adventure. Some may say they throw their life away, I say that they make their life count, they make something special of it. And that special thing in life, is different for everybody.
Some thinks that the adventure of life, is to find true love, and make a family. Other say that it is to discover how close we can come to death, without dying. That one right there, is something I wonder. How many times, can we survive, when death is on the closest? When is it over for good, when were we just on the line, when do we have the choice to go on? Am I afraid of death? No. I am afraid of how and when I die. I know everyone has to die at some point. But do I get to do all the things I want to, all the things I haven’t done yet? Do I get to say goodbye to all the people I love, do I get to stand up for what I believe in, do my voice get to come out? I don’t know, I maybe will know, and maybe I won’t. But I want to go on, no regrets. That may not be possible. But as I think, that all the mistake I’ve made, and I’ll make in life, just made and will make me that much wiser. Death is a thing we’re trying to explain, but no matter how hard we try, we can’t. when we watch someone leave us, we can only see the death from the life. And we’re trying to move on. Mostly it works. People who can’t are going to make suicide. A lot of people who just give up, are teenagers. But do they give up, or do they just want attention. If they end up one the hospital, people will come and visit them. They’ll give them flowers, and be like awww.
I feel bad for those people, who need that attention. Just let someone else stand in the spotlight for just a second. I don’t believe that someone wants to die 100 % maybe they’re just tired of life, and they don’t have time to find another way, but I don’t think that was what they wanted, just what they did. Suicide always hurts someone. Life and death are the same. We just call it different names, to kind of understand where we are, in the life, or death. Are we at that point, where we can talk, do things, and feel alive. Or are we on the other side, were we don’t know anything about what happens. There are many theories. Mostly it’s something about seeing the white light, and go in to it when your ready. Then there’s all the religions. Like heaven and hell.
For me death is live a cave. I’m standing before this cave, looking inside it. There’s a line, which I’m stepping over. I am in the cave. I can walk the quick death, walk quickly through the cave. Or I can walk the slowly death, walk slowly through the cave. If it’s a slowly death, there’s rock falling around me, if it’s the slowly death, then there’s a very little chance at coming back. But if that happens, a white light, are coming an carrying me out again. If not, the cave is nothing but darkness. It doesn’t seem to have an end, but when I’m finally there. The darkness are swallowing me, and my journey to the other side are complete. That’s just one of my guesses of how it is to die. I believe in the painful death, and the quick one. If it’s painful, I get to say goodbye to those I love. If it isn’t, I’m going to miss them forever, and never get the chance to see them again. Maybe if I’m lucky, I would get to visit them in their dreams. But in some way, the quick death is better. It’s quick, I don’t get to feel anything. But if I’m not feeling, how could I feel alive one last time? And isn’t it selfish to want to die quick? Maybe it’s okay to be selfish once in a while, as long it doesn’t go out of control. Maybe it’s not. That’s too is something I wonder. And like, who will be the last person I see before I die, which song will be the last, of old will I be, if I’m young, how could my life has turned out, if I’m old, how could I have made my life different. At an age as 14, there’s so many questions, and you don’t really know if you’ll ever get some answers. I think life is something you have to accept, you got to make the best of what you got. People often talks about how bad they feel, and how it is to be them. I’m not ready for everyone to know me entirely. I have some secrets I’m not proud of. Something I will not hold on to anymore, but yet something I can’t let go of.
Because I know, that pain is a thing you can’t escape, pain is a thing you learn to take…
